Laughter: Use It to Pick Up Women

One of the best ways of picking up women is by making them laugh. Here, I supply some such funny stories to start up a conversation.
Humour, some say, is the fruit of life, and this is especially true when it comes to picking up on a girl no matter where the location. Make them laugh, and I guarantee, that you are very close to getting their phone number and even to getting them to go out with you.

But, as we all know, making them laugh, is easier said than done. Precisely for those who find it difficult to come up with something funny to say, I am adding some funny anecdotes and wise cracks that you can memorize and then use in those situations where you need to get the girl in front of you to laugh.

1) The Prescription:
Did you hear of the lady, who walked into the pharmacist and asked for arsenic?
The man behind the counter asked in wonder, "What do you need that for?
The lady calmly replied," to kill my husband."
The pharmacist was taken aback," Are you crazy? Do you want to get us both into jail? And, anyway, why do you want to kill him? Go to a counselor. Get help for your marriage."
The lady paused and from her purse she removed a set of pictures of her husband and the wife of the pharmacist in some very creative postures.
The pharmacist looked at the snaps, put them down and smiled," lady, why did you not tell me that you have a prescription?"

2) The Tip Book
A wife calls out to her husband, "Have you seen the book, 101 Tips to Live for More Than a Hundred Years?
The husband sheepishly replies, "I burnt it."
"What?" the wife shouted out," why?"
The husband whispered back," Because your mother wanted to read it."

3) Range of Food
Looking at his wife fry meat balls in all kinds of shapes and sizes, Tom tapped her on the shoulder, "Why?"
His wife turned," Because you asked for a variety of food."

4) Mushrooms
Tom was picking mushrooms from the forest floor with his wife, when she picked up one and showed it to Tom," Is this for eating?"
Tom smiled," Yes. As long as you do not cook it."

5) Driving Around
Tom greeted his wife when she returned home," So, my dear, how was your first time driving all alone?"
His wife smiled coyly, "Do you want to hear it from me or read about it in the papers?

6) Drama
A couple are watching a film in their local theater when the wife snuggles close to her husband and points to the screen," Do you think that they will get married in the end?"
The husband sighs," Yes. These movies always have bad endings."

7) The Library
Tom visited the local library, walks up to the librarian and asks, "Do you know where I can find the book, the Supremacy of Men over Women?"
The librarian conducts a short search on the computer and looks up," you will be able to find it in the science fiction."

Conclusion:
While some of these might sound offensive, if you use them well you will be able to display not just a sense of humour, but also that you are exactly the opposite of the stereotype. How? Immediately, after you done, lean over and whisper, But I am not like that, and if you allow me to take you out, you will see that for yourself.

Laughing at the Indian Cricket Team

Even with top class players, the Indian team loses and loses so here are some jokes directed at them.

Indian cricket is headed for a disastrous World Cup and only those who wish to bury their head in the sand can think that they will do well there. The pitches in West Indies are fast and the players (who anyway have a tough time on such pitches) will succumb easily. They will advance (I truly hope so) to the next round by beating the weak teams but they will lose once again to the strong ones and they will find ourselves out and forgotten very soon. So instead of feeling sad, the only thing left for the fans to do is to joke about them. So here goes!

The story goes that there was a couple married for quite some time and they had a boy of 5-6 years old. Their relationship was turning sour. So finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was better for them to be divorced than to carry on such a relationship.

So they consulted a lawyer. But the big question was who would have the kid. In the hearing in the court it was decided that this choice should be left to their son. So the judge asked "Son, would you like to stay with your mummy?"

The kid replied," No, mummy beats me."
So the judge asked "Then, would you like to stay with your papa?"
The kid replied, "No, papa beats me too."

Now the judge was in a dilemma and was not able to decide what to do. After pondering for some time he smiled with the ideas he had in his mind about the child.

And he gave the judgment that the kid would stay with

Any guesses?

Come on I know you can guess this.

Ok here is the decision: The judge decided that the kid would stay with the Indian Cricket Team because they never beat anybody.

And here are some one liners to pipe up your day:
Why do Indian babies cry and complain all the time?
They are practicing how to become Indian cricketers when they grow up.

What is an handcuffed Indian Cricketer called?
A cricketer you can trust.

What are the four words that will destroy any Indian batsman?
Did you bat today?

Why doesnt the crowd blink when Tendulkar goes out to bat?
There just is no time until he gets out again.

What is the difference between an Indian batsman and an Australian one?
100 runs.

What is the difference between batteries and Indian cricketers?
Batteries have a positive side.

How do you force Indian cricketers to run between wickets?
You place food on either end.

Yes, I know that some of these jokes are really putting the Indian team down but considering their recent form (excluding the recent two victories against West Indies which I think is more of a fluke than anything else), I felt that I could say such things.

I cannot understand how such players such as Ganguly, Tendulkar, Dravid and the rest can let the fans down time and again. Sometimes it seems that they are not really interested in playing and that they gamble away their wicket easily. If that is the case then they should leave and let other more able and willing youngsters take a shot. They will not fare much worse in any case. What will they do? Lose. They lose anyway and to any cricket playing nation in the world!